The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
