jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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