if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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