she looked like the bat from fern gully.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I feel like death gave me a hand job
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
