Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
