Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
