Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
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