well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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