I'm jealous of your bromance
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
