Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
