whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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