At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
