We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
