Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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