who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
