come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
