I'm really into asian looking animals
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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