i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
