I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
What drink are we having for lunch?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
