We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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