I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
