We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
