Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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