Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We are all done wearing pants today
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize