i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
