OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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