This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
