She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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