I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
This is my gift to your gina
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
