at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
