Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
