so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
