you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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