carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
whose ass print is on the piano?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
