I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
