If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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