hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
