Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
