yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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