Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
