Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
