that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We have started to decorate penises.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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