hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
