hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
