just tell him i said nine months
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
