So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you will always have a special place in my vag
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
