ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
