Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
never play flip cup with pint glasses
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
40s are totally the cure
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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