I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We have started to decorate penises.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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