i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
