I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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